4 Steps to get your boyfriend back - A guide written by men who took their girlfriends back

If your here, I guess it is for one reason, you want your boyfriend back.

Well, here is the good news, this guide is written by men who have actually taken their girlfriends back. So all the information in this article is presented in a way to show you how your boyfriend feels and what you must do to encourage your boyfriend to get back with you.

What I'm going to outline here are four rules that you must follow if you want you get your boyfriend back. But I warn you, it will take effort and perhaps even some changes in the way you behave, but you will stand a good change of being back with your ex boyfriend.

Take the time to digest and think about each Rule before moving on, it is essential to understand how it related to your situation between you and your ex boyfriend and what will be needed to get him back.

If whilst reading this you get the burning feeling that you have been doing all the wrong things, please do not panic. Most situations are fixable, and doing the right things from now onwards can only help. Like with anything in life, it helps to have a bit of luck helping you out, but following these rules will help create luck for you and your boyfriend to potentially get back together.

Rule 1:

Only do things that add value

Let me explain this for you. Adding value means adding something positive to the equation. Now, when you boyfriend takes you back, he will want a person that is gong to add value to his life. That's natural, ask yourself why would he take back the women he had a fight with and split up with unless something happened to improve the situation.

Let's explain this anoher way by looking at why your boyfriend might avoid you. We do this by considering something that decrease your value:

Begging him to get back with you.

This is a big NO. When you beg a man to get back with you, you are saying to him that you really need him in your life and that there is nothing without him. Although this may be flattering to a man, it rings alarm bells. It suggests you will cling onto him and never let him go again You will suffocate him and stop him being the man he wants. Another worry men have is that if you were to break up again you might go and do something stupid so they never want to take that risk.

You see, begging lowers your value and no man wants someone who would make their lives unhappier. They only want people who add value, make their lives happier.

There are however ways to add value and this is what you should be doing if you want to get back with your ex.

Contrast the example above with a person who takes time away and uses this time to learn a new skill. Maybe they learn salsa, a new language, join a climbing club or go on an interesting holiday. Now this person has become more interesting and is more likely to get a positive response from the ex boyfriend.

Consider these two message:

1) 'Why are you not answering me?'

2) Hey, it's been a while, maybe we meet for a quick coffee later this week and If your really nice I might show you some of my new salsa moves.

Which one adds value??!

The first one, shows a typical response. It is a negative question which makes the man feel he is going to get told off when he answers so he avoids answering all together.

The second clearly shows you are in control of your life, and although you still like him, you can do exciting things without him. Trust me, men love it when women inspire them or show them they can be fun.

So, always be adding value by investing time on yourself.

Rule 2:

Understand memories get happier with time.

Read that again. Yes again.

It's a researched fact that our memories are tuned to focus on good emotions of the event as time passes. It is why we often visit the same restaurant and only remember the bad service when we are again frustrated with it. Our memories slide towards the positive and it increases it's bias over time.

That means that even if you think you have made complete mistakes thus far, in time you will get another chance with your boyfriend if you use the strategy correctly.

Of course the bigger the mistakes perhaps the more time is needed apart before the negative emotions start to fade. But, leave it too long and they might forget you, and that is why having a complete strategy to work with these four rules is really important.

Rule 3:

You have to build from the ground up again.

Getting back with your ex will not mean that you go right back to where you ended. It is very unlikely to be that easy. Imagine when you first met you man and you flirted and teased and dated before getting together. Well getting back with your ex is similar except there may be less flirting and more showing that you can actually 'add value' and thus make his life happier (a very attractive quality in a mate).

This means that you must build the contact slowly. At first it might be very INFREQUENT emails or texts, maybe only one or two a week. Then it builds to seeing each other, again only once or twice a week. Until you have both seen that you add value to each others lives and thus make each other happy again.

Initially you may need to break contact for a few weeks to give each other space and allow the negative emotions to fade (see Rule 2). But, remember this space is needed as it is achieving a good thing, the elimination of negative emotions and giving you time to focus on improving yourself.

It may be hard for you to reframe from contacting him often, but you must. And when you do message they should be positive messages and not ones that make him feel like he is about to get into a fight or wil hear your moan at him. He is very unlikely to response to that, and you know it.

My tip here is to never send a message as soon as it pops into your head. Instead write it down and look at it again after a few hours. Decide if it really does add value or if it can be changed to add value and then send it.

If you do not get a reply to a message, do not keep pestering him. Understand that he too has a life and can be busy. Instead accept that you need to add a little more value before he relies and use the time to improve yourself even more. (Go book that Salsa class!)

Rule 4

Keep yourself motivated

Understand firstly that you can get your ex boyfriend back, if you stop doing the wrong things and start following the strategy and rules.

But, this is not going to happen on it's own and this article alone is no way near enough information to keep you going. My blog dedicated to Get Your Man Back provided a FREE, almost daily, newsletter to motivate you in your quest to get back your man and provided much more detail on these four rules and how to use them. This will help you stay motivated and ensure that you are sticking to the strategy.

I also review and suggest updated systems proven to get your ex back so that you have all the latest and useful strategies to be back in the arms of your man.

Be sure to check out my website for advice on getting back with your ex and I will do my best to answer all your questions in my newsletter.

If you feel this article will help a friend be sure to send it to them too.